6 Dark Traits of The Female Sociopath
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6 Dark Traits of The Female Sociopath

Female sociopaths and narcissists are dangerous precisely because their manipulation often flies under the radar. Although there is an ongoing debate about the definition of “sociopath” versus “narcissist,” it’s safe to say that both types exhibit the following:

⁠—A callous lack of empathy.

⁠— A tendency to manipulate and con others for their own gain.

⁠— A sense of egocentrism and excessive entitlement along with blatant disregard for the rights, needs, and feelings of others.

Sociopaths and narcissists on the high end of the spectrum take it one step further. Those who meet the criteria for the Dark Triad (narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism) often lack remorse for their destructive actions. They use cognitive empathy to assess their target’s vulnerabilities but they lack the affective empathy to truly care about the welfare of others. They are often sadistic in provoking and deceiving others, feeling pleasure at the sight of another’s pain. Studies show that these toxic types experience positive feelings when seeing sad faces (Wai & Tiliopoulos, 2012).

The reality of their malice becomes darker when we consider that females are socialized by our society to be covertly aggressive. As a result, they are more likely to bully others through underhanded methods such as relational aggression – abuse through sabotage of someone’s social relationships and reputation – all while mastering the guise of a sweet exterior.

Here are six signs you are dealing with a female sociopath or narcissist on the high end of the spectrum:

1. They mirror and love-bomb you in order to get information.

When a female sociopath first meets you, they are on a mission to collect as much information about you as possible. The female sociopath is assessing whether you’d make a good target. As her unsuspecting victim, she ‘zooms in’ on you with an excessive amount of attention. Her warm and nurturing façade helps to facilitate her covert machinations. On the outside, she is friendly and inviting, but within, she is vindictive, ruthless and cunning. Yet in the beginning, it’ll appear as if you both have so much in common.

She’ll play to your sympathy and pity by pretending she has similar life experiences as you. She’ll claim she has similar interests, hobbies, passions, life goals and values. Little do you know, this is a cold and calculating gesture used to find out as much as possible about your strengths and weaknesses so she can exploit both to her advantage. Under her hawk-like gaze, the female sociopath mirrors you to win your trust and to make you disclose personal information that she plans to use against you.

In the initial stage, she will build for you a beautiful pedestal so that you’re tempted to buy into her con. Once you’ve sufficiently invested in her false mask, she has no problem using you and your resources for her own gain. Whether it’s sex, money, a place to live, status, reputation, fame, or even just the duping delight of one-upping someone – it is all about power.

2. They are superficially charming and demonstrate exaggerated speech or gestures which lack authenticity.

Much like a male sociopath, a female sociopath’s projected kindness rarely meets her eyes. She is reptilian in her demeanor and you might notice a flash of her envy, anger or greed from time to time when the mask slips. Otherwise, she is eerily calm and lacks a startle response even in situations that warrant fear or anxiety (Lykken, 1957). She might exaggerate her speech patterns, expressing more enthusiasm and joy than she actually feels. She may slip up and into a condescending and contemptuous tone of voice which may reveal her true intentions.

Yet her charm, while superficial and glib, can be just as convincing, if not more, as a male sociopath’s. This is because as a society we are conditioned to see females as the “gentler sex,” incapable of violence. Yet the violence a female sociopath can inflict can be just as psychologically destructive and dangerous as her male counterpart.

3. They sabotage you covertly.

The aggression of a female sociopath is unprecedented, yet it is carefully hidden beneath multiple layers of constructed traits that one can mistake for sincerity. Remember that narcissists and sociopaths are chameleons, adapting to social situations based on what they suspect will bode well and will best suit their hunt for victims. So, they present a very alluring and charitable image, especially to those who can benefit them. However, to those they have no use for or those who evoke their narcissistic rage and envy, they reveal more of their true selves.

Much of the female sociopath’s manipulation is channeled through relational aggression, which involves damaging someone’s social relationships or reputation to destroy one’s sense of self. In the realm of female friendships, female narcissists especially are always looking to protect themselves against outside threats that may overtake their “Queen Bee” status in the cliques they create.

That is why they underhandedly bully their chosen victims (usually those they perceive to have something they covet) by excluding them from social groups, pitting people against them, accusing them of things they did not do, spreading rumors or gossip, slandering or smearing them and also creating rivalries among people. That way, their victims are unable to gain validation or support for the abuse they’re experiencing.

4. They demonstrate little to no remorse in harming others to get what they want – and they exhibit internalized misogyny.

Whoever is in a female narcissist or sociopath’s way will pay dearly – even the ones who pose the slightest threat. The female sociopath harbors a sense of entitlement to everything and anything. They are especially threatened by other women who possess what they cannot.

Female narcissists and sociopaths exhibit internalized misogyny: they despise other women getting ahead or posing a threat to their grandiose ego.

To see another woman achieving in a way that she is unable to do, or to get the attention she feels she must have, is a threat to her very sense of self and sense of entitlement. That is why the female sociopath is notorious for belittling her more successful or attractive female friends, covertly sabotaging and bullying those she is jealous of and having affairs with men who are already in committed relationships (with their friends nonetheless!). Her life motto is “It is all about me, and if it isn’t, I must make it so.”

5. They are sadistic and enjoy inflicting pain.

Female sociopaths and narcissists enjoy seeing people squirm, just for the hell of it. There is nothing they love more than to take down an innocent, good-natured person who was “naïve” enough to believe in them. That’s why they make lofty, false promises they fail to carry through – just to delight in another’s sense of disappointment and depletion. That’s why they deprive their most threatening victims of attention and affection, just to lather other, more loyal cronies with excessive praise.

That’s why they set up scenarios where they know their victims are bound to fail. That’s why they manufacture chaos out of thin air, to create a blend of crazymaking and love-bombing that leaves onlookers confused, on edge and constantly walking on eggshells.

6. They thrive off of male attention (or female attention, depending on their sexual orientation).

Female sociopaths and narcissists enjoy being the center of attention because it gives them power and a harem from which they can derive endless amounts of “narcissistic supply” in the form of praise, sex, and resources. Sociopaths enjoy this because it gives them a power trip, the ability to control others at a whim and play everyone like puppets. Narcissists enjoy it because it feeds their inflated ego and gives them validation.

Female predators are not opposed to using their bodies to get what they want; they have no qualms using their appearance and sexuality to climb the corporate ladder, to take advantage of a doting boyfriend or to seduce a stranger, so long as it benefits them. They get off on the power and control – and their thirst for new victims is insatiable. They are notorious for having extramarital affairs, engaging in numerous flirtations and indiscretions and constantly surrounding themselves with admirers (everything from exes to potential replacements).

They can lie, manipulate and con their way into people’s hearts and lives, pulling the wool over your eyes quite easily while they pursue their own agenda. Yet once they are done with you and you are no longer useful, they will rarely give you the same amount of attention, respect or affection you’ve grown accustomed to. They will discard you without blinking twice. To them, you are merely an object to suit their purposes, nothing more.

The Big Picture

If you have encountered a female malignant narcissist or sociopath, take heart in the fact that their behavior is not your fault. Many have been bamboozled by these toxic types because of how convincing they are. Rather than blaming yourself, examine the ways in which you’ve been manipulated to resolve the cognitive dissonance that might arise. You may still be reeling from the discrepancy between their true self and their false self.

It’s common for survivors of sociopaths to doubt themselves and their experiences. It’s important to close that gap by documenting what you’ve experienced, seeking validating professional support and engaging in self-care healing modalities which will enable you to rise above their malice and move forward into a future without their toxicity.

References

Centifanti, L. C. M., Fanti, K. A., Thomson, N. D., Demetriou, V., & Anastassiou-Hadjicharalambous, X. (2015). Types of Relational Aggression in Girls Are Differentiated by Callous-Unemotional Traits, Peers and Parental Overcontrol. Behavioral Sciences, 5(4), 518–536. http://doi.org/10.3390/bs5040518

Ekman, P. (2009, December). Duping Delight. Paul Ekman Group. Retrieved from https://www.paulekman.com/deception-detection/duping-delight/

Lykken, D. T. (1957). A study of anxiety in the sociopathic personality. The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 55(1), 6-10. doi:10.1037/h0047232

Wai, M., & Tiliopoulos, N. (2012). The affective and cognitive empathic nature of the dark triad of personality. Personality and Individual Differences, 52(7), 794-799. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2012.01.008

6 Dark Traits of The Female Sociopath

37 Comments

  • tim rankin

    i had known this girl for 6 months charming i was drawn to her she left her kids to come to the valley for her drug addiction i found out later many sex partners didnt care who she hurt moved on to another victim shes still at it in porterville ca she got me good til i researched her behavior and when i saw sociopath symtoms my jar dropped it was her

  • Thefailedintern

    I’ve been a victim of one as well and had to implement those suggestions. Luckily, it was NOT romantic.

  • Kim

    I am discovering your Facebook page for the first time today. I absolutely appreciate all of your wisdom and hard work that you’ve put into your posts. Thank you!

  • Eric

    Thank you, an excellent piece. As a heterosexual man, I’ve encountered the type you describe on more than one occasion. I find their ability to mirror and inauthentically suck others in to be nearly supernatural, like a dark sixth sense or something like that. And yet, over many years of reflecting and research, I’ve gotten quite good at listening to my gut or intuition when I feel something is interpersonally wrong, because when the interaction doesn’t add up I picture a light (drama) switch, and when it turns on, that means the game is on. Sometimes people play hardball and sometimes not. In my career field there’s not much supply to be had, so it would be rare to run into a real sociopath or no holds barred NPD person. The pay isn’t great (non-profit agency social work) but I can trust my colleagues to validate my perception when I see something is wrong (without gossipping about it). After so long I can’t imagine working in the corporate rat race, the entertainment, political or law fields, where there is a higher percentage of them, because money, power and domination is to be had everywhere. I actually prefer the male (at least the exhibitionistic) narcissist. He’s so painfully self-absorbed and obvious it’s almost laughable (unless of course he’s using his power to work you over). Sometimes I fantasize by manipulating them. It would be so easy to toss them a piece of supply here and there. I don’t do it though, because I would feel bad about myself. That’s not who I want to be, even if they deserve it. And if you want this type to leave you alone, it’s rather simply: don’t take the bait and give them what they want, which is supply or to see you suffer in your reactivity. Be stone cold, direct, open and honest, works every time. The female one, as the author described, because of cultural norms regarding gender identity expression, can be even more destructive, as she is so much better at hiding, laying in wait, and striking with impunity. These ones can ruin it for all women sadly, as they are the one’s who make men think all women are manipulative, cunning, out to harm at all times and “a snake.” But nothing could be further from the truth. Like the male types, they just create confusion for everyone. It’s hard to see our leaders, knowing they are more than a abrupt constellation of rehearsed defenses rather than a real person inside. * Fun Fact: the sanctimonious entitlement of certain Liberals is just as toxic as the aggressive soul-crunching ability of certain Conservatives (the movie, “Get Out” shows this beautifully). Sometimes I can’t stand it that they exist! Why? Why should such a small percentage have the most power and ruin it for the rest of us? I’m really hoping karma burns off this personality from the evolutionary continuum ONCE AND FOR ALL. In the meantime, let’s all do the hard work of showing them with the light of truth the maximum that is safe for our integrity.

  • James Kelly

    The things my soon to be ex wife ( Dark Triad ) Narc, did to me, and behind my back, make all the other stories i have read, seem like, children’s Fairy tales, she even poisoned me, causing a heart attack, my death, and coma, and i awoke, to find much worse, at every turn! i have been told, i need to write a book, because no one would or could make these things up, yet they are true,

  • Vesna Phillips

    My experience is with my ex who I discovered has the dark triad, met and married similar version 3 years ago who have been trying to divide and conquer my twin boys against me. It’s terrifying and so hard to heal from the trauma and parent the children. Slowly she has been tightening the child support noose around my neck, irrespective of the impact on the children. I have faced homelessness every month for the past two years. How do I explain this to a judge without sounding vindictive? They have erased me from my family.. And she has been substituted for me.

  • Alfonso

    Sadly I got involved with a woman that meets every description in this article. The story is too long and exhausting to go over it in detail. But 4 months into the relationship, after her controlling and extremely entitled outbursts with no regard for other’s feelings began to manifest I realized what kind of woman she was, and tried to get away by kicking her out of my apartament, but she got pregnant. I was happy to become a father-to-be, but very concerned over what I had gotten into with her. The 9 months were a living hell because I had to deal with hyper-manipulation, anger, and her guilt tripping due to hormones. For a time I thought it might be hormones. The birth was a nightmare, due to the tense complexity of our situation and an unwanted ex-partner that did not leave her sight. 2 months after the birth of our beautiful daughter (which I adore) she begins to demand I marry her because she needs to bring her family from Venezuela, and that it was my responsibility to do so. She tried nicely, but at times when she couldn’t get her terms she’d get verbally and mentally aggressive. And after multiple attempts and no results she began getting desperate and erratic. I decided to end the relationship and direct the focus on our beautiful little girl free of the relationship’s toxicity. Well, that made her snap, and she began to smack me and punch me in the face with a close fist and threw my glasses from a second story floor just for bringing back her belongings from my place to hers (we don’t live together). Calling me names and just going border line insane. Then she kicked me out of her apartment, and next day asked me if we could talk. She apologized but began to justify it by trying to guilt trip me and and flipping the script. I told her we needed to leave things there and focus on the baby. But now I feel like she’s using the baby to inflict pain and fear… so it’s kind of a difficult situation to engage into. I’m 36, and just looking for a drama free life and now I’m stuck with a narcissistic sociopath for the rest of my life. I just see myself strategizing to outsmart her for the rest of my days.

  • Bonnie

    My eyes have been opened. My partner’s mother fits this description so well it made me feel like this was a reading of her life. Though she passed away recently it hasn’t stopped the pain of abuse,manipulation and so so much more. The little girl in me is crying hysterically right now. Ty for opening the door to some of my innermost thoughts. I’m going to call my therapist now to work on this.

  • Helen Goodall

    I am so glad to have found this site.. Unfortunately I have discovered I am the mother of a Narcissist. Both her father and I have struggled with our daughter for many years and sort help. BUT the Help described the behaviour as “typical teenage” and the child would out grow it. Our daughter became demanding, secretive and disrespectful and left home at 18 years. She would visit occasionally and would try and put us down. She would be very nice and thoughtful when she wanted something and we were so pleased she had changed we would be sucked in and give in. At 34 years our daughter married a man who was immature and needy the marriage didn’t last of course, but our daughter gave birth to twin boys. She was very angry about having 2 babies I remember her saying “Why me” why did I get 2. Both my husband and I have been raising the boys for 8 years almost full time. The father has visiting rights which we are pleased about but he doesn’t want any custody. Our daughter has been living as though she is still single having affairs, holidays and taking very little responsibility. We never wanted custody as we felt she would settle down after the divorce and she would want her children now that they are 8 years of age and the hard times with babies are over. BUT now our daughter has taken them from us and we are banned from seeing them. We can only see them when she wants something like money or free time. Quite often she will tell the boys they can come and stay with us if they are good and we look forward to this but then they just don’t arrive and our daughter will not answer her phone we start to worry, after 2 or 3 calls she will phone a couple of hours later and ask us what we want? We as grandparents are distraught she is using them as blackmail. This has been happening now for a year. We have been everywhere and told anyone who will listen. But she is doing nothing wrong in the eyes of the law and no one will act. I am now telling anyone who reads this. What can we do and where can we go. We are missing the children and they are missing us. Most professionals simply say you will have to wait until they are older then they will decide for themselves. That will be okay but it is very hard and we are aging.

  • BeowulfSabrina

    Yup, my narc hub got tricked by one of these females. every single trait. it’s as if you knew her. well, he got what he deserved. too bad i was the collateral damage.

  • Alex

    A month have passed since such kind of girl suddenly dropped me liike a garbage just because she find new source of supply already. It was so painful. I was not able to sleep, not able to eat for some days. I felt anxiety, fear and shock. My body was shaking and I felt incredible pain, it was like the heroin withdrawal that I saw in the movies. I was not able to do my job. But fortunately I have a good friends, who saw us together and they tald me that she is a psycopath. Then I started to google what does it mean, and it was a revelation. I realised that I was one from her long long list of a relations. I’ve read a few books about this topic already, and now I’m reading your book. Thank you so much for your job, it very helpful.

  • Raiske

    I’m mind blown. Your article fits the description of my cousin to the max. Each section I remember SPECFIC instances in which my cousin behaved/did. Thanks to your article I now have full closure on what had happened.

  • Mimi

    You have described my older sister so well. She was so jealous and infuriated that I inherited some rare antique furniture from our grandmother that she began a smear campaign. She and my mom ( mom was just an ordinary narcissist, not a sociopath) enlisted my younger sister in a campaign to get me into some kind of psychiatric treatment. This was actually ironically humorous, to me

  • KARYL ERIN

    My son was “snagged” by twin sisters. They fit the bill exactly. He was brain-damaged at birth, and they had him in a vice. He heard: I wanna have your baby, and I’ll marry you. Now he is facing prison, and they are back to doing drugs. I feel so sorry for him. If you have time, how about writing to the judge! Hugs.

  • Gjorg

    Excellent read! My ex never fit the traits of a male narcissist but being a gay male he fits all of the traits of a female narc. Turns out his mother is one and I’ve heard on NPR that it’s probably passed down on the maternal side and can be detected on a brain scan. This article gives me great joy, finally finding out the truth. The traits fit him to a tee. Thank you! I’m going to try recovering by using EMDR.

  • Alex

    A month have passed since such kind of girl suddenly dropped me liike a garbage just because she find new source of supply already. It was so painful. I was not able to sleep, not able to eat for some days. I felt anxiety, fear and shock. My body was shaking and I felt incredible pain, it was like the heroin withdrawal that I saw in the movies. I was not able to do my job. But fortunately I have a good friends, who saw us together and they tald me that she is a psycopath. Then I started to google what does it mean, and it was a revelation. I realised that I was one from her long long list of a relations. I’ve read a few books about this topic already, and now I’m reading your book. Thank you so much for your job, it very helpful.

  • Ennie

    Thank you! This is so enlightening. I am a female coming out of a close-friendship with a covert narcissist woman, and your articles have been very helpful.

  • Joyce

    An excellent article. I see how the sociopath in my life is filled with jealousy for what I have and she does not. No matter how much she hurts and humiliates me, it will never be enough, because she will never have what I have. She may have taken my man but she will eventually dump him. He will be a lost puppy when she does. The woman may enjoy the pain she causes but I think it only makes her look foolish to the executive staff. The sociopath does not see herself for who she really is (or does she?).

  • BB

    I think these traits may describe my adult niece. Her father was definitely a sociopath with a long criminal history, and she idolized him. I wasn’t around her much in her youth as I lived far away. And when I moved back home, I noted that she was “different,” somewhat emotionally flat. She lived with me for a few months as her parents were irresponsible.

  • Rachel

    I was so glad to read the segment about “exaggerating her emotions.” Sociopath or not, it seems like many female manipulators act like they’re in a bad soap opera, and that’s always been a huge peeve of mine. It literally makes me cringe. The Manson family women do it in interviews, when acting “remorseful.”

  • Shawna

    Sadly, the malignant narcissist in my life you are describing in this article is my mother. Every weapon you describe being done to the female competition was used on me since I was 7. Prior to that it was just her silent treatment or rage unless other visiting family were present then it was lovey dove. I was so afraid of her i wouldn’t ask for food. She finally left us at the height of her disdain for my brother and i. She never get sent a Christmas card or birthday card again. My brother was only 8 yrs old at the time, it ruined his life. He was her golden child yet she turned on him and abandoned him. I have never forgiven her for hurting my little brother. Thank you for writing this. I clearly see her behaviour in every point. It’s scary and alarming that I lived with this but strangely comforting too to learn about things like this. It’s taken my brother and I to our 40s to get where we are able to get clarity. It’s devastating. My brother will never be ok God bless him.

  • Grace

    Good article about the covert agression taught to women and how it affects behavior of people with these traits, but I disagree that all narcissistic and sociopathic females play into a “sweet” mask. They do fake sweetness to appear normally empathetic, but may also project a mask that is ruthlessly ambitious or careless or just rebellious, and will be quite up front about their sadistic nature in ways they know some people (maybe some men in particular) will feel obliged to excuse them and not hold them responsible for their actions. They will say things like “I’m a bitch and I know it” or “that’s just my personality, I just know what I want and I take it” and use male perception as leverage to gaining more “social power” as they see it. Even though real female power would not be reliant on male affirmation or support.

  • Ryder

    I have two exes and both are 100% what you describe. The second ex was “appalled” at how ex 1 behaved towards me and how she was as a mother. That was, until we split. Alot of collaboration occurred between the two exes. They aligned, further alienating my daughter who I raised with 1st ex, and now the court enabled #2 ex by awarding her joint and blamed me for her 2 year absence (tender years she missed- her choice not mine!) There is TONS more I could share but you get the jest of it. Heres hat I learned:

  • Radha Furlong

    Reading this was very liberating to read as I can emphasize with my past experiences when I was the target. It really helps to be able to make sense of the suffering as a result of covert, below the belt tactics. I just wanted to mention about the fourth point: particularly the “internalised misogny” part: In my experience it’s the same for males not just females (as a man). I can understand how you’d feel that way but men can be as likely to be targets from my experiences at least.

  • Anonymous

    I searched rhe internet about this topic, because my ex-husband is currently involved with what I believe is a female sociopath. She has take what was once the toughest man I know and turned him into someone who apologizes for breathing. I’ve asked several times if there is any domestic violence, and he never answers my question. My son enjoys spending time with him, but loathes her and says she is mean to him. Not just my son, but she is mean to her own two children as well. I try to limit my son’s time in her presence, and my ex understands, but she won’t let him see pyr child unless she is present for any and all visits. She jas taken our amicable co-parenting situation and turned it around 180 degrees. My son is special needs and sees a therapist. His dad has agreed to have a private one on one session with the therapist, and I am hoping that the meeting will allow him to see what everyone else sees. To be honest, I think he knows how his new partner is, he is just scared to death for some reason to leave.

  • ToxicLighteningCanStrikeTwice

    I feel like you must know my mother-in-law, one of the most malignant, toxic, controlling women I have ever met. She has her entire family wrapped around her finger. Her husband is her bully-henchman, and together they delight in targeting the future wife, current wife, and mother of their grandchildren, over and over. I have what they want, “their son” back. (Which is of course a fallacy. He will never be “back.” He is a separate human and they have some bizarre tribal fantasy of what a family looks like to them that he is not going to participate in and my arrival in their world order infuriated/es them. They have three daughters they’ve crippled into doting on their every whim. It’s not enough. They want me gone. And they have manipulated the last 25 years toward that end constantly. Sadly, while cognitively my husband sees this, he is still incapable of telling them off or calling them out. He is happy to disengage and be passive. My unhappiness with them led to many years of issues with us – which is of course — what his parents wanted. But, in the end – -I’m on to them. I no longer expect anything but Dark Personality traits and do not engage with them any more than I possibly have to. They have both been like a female narcissist. His dad is so weirdly passive and under his wife’s thumb it’s bizarre to behold. But, there you have it.

  • Charlie

    This is a great article that clearly and accurately depicts the inner workings of a narcissistic psychopathic mind. I would like to add two additional points from my experience of growing up in a family with two parents very high in narcissistic traits and displaying psychopathic tendencies as well as marrying into familiarity.

  • SusanB

    What’s that saying, “a leopard never changes it’s spots”? Same with female narcissists or sociopaths. Interestingly, I never really considered the couple of women I know who fit this bill to be sociopaths until I remembered the husband of one referred to his own wife as a sociopath. Both are long term “friends” over 50, one is pushing 60, and I’ve had to distance myself from both. As I age, I am less able or willing to endure their toxic and self-serving behavior. The older of the two is a classic queen bee, always trying to gather new victims into her hive. Her thirst for gossip and penchant for spreading it is jarring to witness and to see how adept she is at manipulating women (and men, sometimes) into doing her bidding as she continually maneuvers and sabotages socially to preserve her self-proclaimed queen bee status. If you don’t kiss her behind, cozy up to her and participate in her ongoing smear campaign, she finds a way to marginalize you in the group she has so carefully assembled. There are women in the group you know she does not like much at all (including the writer of this post) but she ceaselessly organizes social gatherings including all the women (and sometimes men) she has carefully chosen so she can divide and conquer behind the scenes, and in the end, making herself feel powerful and omnipotent. It is sick, sick, sick stuff.

  • Lee Bachman

    The person that fits these descriptions sadly is my mother. I’m 52 and only 6 yrs ago was told by a close friend that my mother was the biggest Narcissist she had ever seen. I had no clue as to what Narcissism/psychopaths was. I have spent the last 6 years trying to understand and find if or what can do. But everything seems to say the same thing- Get rid of them from your life. My mom is the only family I have left alive. No brothers, sisters or any kids of my own. Even though my father raised me, I always loved my mom, didn’t get much time around her – but she still is my mom. Learning about Narcissism= cleared up a lot of things about my childhood, tho hard to let go/get rid of etc.. of things you carried as your fault for 45 yrs- even when knowing wasn’t your fault. She won’t even talk to me or answer any letters now for past 8 yrs. I do a police wellness check on her twice a year- and every time get response from officers that she was pissy with them because they did a check because I asked them. She’s in her 70’s – guess I’m still trying to figure out how to get her to at least talk to me. Am I just fighting a losing battle?

  • Katherine Hoover

    Great piece, and thank you for showing the female way. I say this because my son was murdered by his sociopath narcissist, with her mother’s traits. This was 3 years ago and no charges have been filed, with the prosecutor saying “with the investigation so botched – there is nothing to go on” meaning even the investigator was manipulated. The death certificate says homicide – and I can’t even put a reward out for anyone who knows. They say the hardest evidence to prove in a court of law is mental evidence. If I take everything I have, every text, every video of all the abuse he endured – and compare with your article it matches to a tee. But when I present it, it’s hearsay. The worst part is when she says it – it’s taken word for word, not what’s really being said. Example: “I loved him more than I love myself. I would never take him away from his children” they don’t hear she doesn’t love herself, and she doesn’t even have her children. We have to get louder about this issue, to stop the killings.

  • Johnny

    There was that girl at my work that was my supervisor. She was super friendly at first, very beautiful and I fell in love with her. She was telling everybody, we were not just colleagues but friends. When I tried to befriend someone else at work, she appeared very possessive. I run errands for her but her behavior was buffling me as sometimes she was friendly and the next minute she could become insulting and arrogant. She wouldn’t accept any type of constructive criticism expressed in a very polite way. After I left my job, I was the only one initiating contact with her. Now we are just facebook “friends”. My brother and another girl from work said that she took advantage of me and when I was no longer needed, she dissapeared. I know she had narcissistic characteristics from the beginning but I wonder if the situation was much worse than I initially thought. I would appreciate your thoughts. Thank you very much !

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