12 Of The Most Common Lies Sociopaths And Narcissists Tell
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12 Of The Most Common Lies Sociopaths And Narcissists Tell, Translated Into Truth

 

12 Of The Most Common Lies Sociopaths And Narcissists Tell, Translated Into Truth

It’s common knowledge that manipulative personalities tend to engage in a great deal of pathological lying and deceit. In fact, compulsive lying is associated with narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders – likely connected to the lack of empathy and propensity for exploitative behavior inherent in these disorders (Ford, King & Hollender, 1988; Baskin-Sommers, Krusemark, & Ronningstam, 2014).

How do they get away with their lies? Covert wolves in sheep’s clothing build a very convincing, charismatic false mask for society and often have a great deal of “social proof” in the form of enabling supporters who believe in their facade. They lead double lives and engage in con artistry under the radar, often going unnoticed for years.

Yet there are common lies narcissists and sociopaths tell their victims that, if translated to the truth, would expose the reality behind their actions.

Some of these phrases can be uttered by those who are not narcissists. However, when expressed by a predatory personality in the context of manipulation, the following statements carry a far different and darker meaning.

Here are twelve of the most common lies narcissists and sociopaths tell us, translated into what they actually mean:

1. I would never lie to you.

I am lying as I say this. You do know that an authentic truth-teller wouldn’t have to convince you, right? The reason I constantly have to tell you I would never lie to you is because I know you will eventually find the discrepancies between what I say and what I do. When you’re struggling to understand why I am acting with such cruelty, you’ll remember how I stressed to you that I am an honest person, a person of integrity and character – a person who would never do such things. You’ll be confused because my actions speak so differently than my words. Slowly but surely, I am brainwashing you into believing that I would never lie. That will create a conflict in you – enough reasonable doubt for whenever my lies come to the surface. You’ll want to believe in the person I pretended to be, rather than who I really am.

2. He or she was obsessed with me.

My past victims discovered my infidelity, my falsehoods and even gained a momentary glance behind the mask. They called me out, even tried to expose me. They tried to hold me accountable for my actions. Don’t be surprised if they reach out to warn you – but by the time they do, you’ll be convinced they’re crazy and obsessed with me. They’re just jealous of what we have – or at least that’s what I’ll tell you. They’re just stalking me because they want me back so desperately – couldn’t have anything to do with the pain I’ve inflicted upon them, right?

3. I was hanging out with friends.

I am busy grooming my primary source of narcissistic supply, an old flame or a new victim. I’ve got lots of “friends” in my harem who worship me and who need my time. Rest assured, there’s always plenty of ego strokes to go around for me. Any time I disappear, you can bet I am love-bombing someone and getting the attention I am entitled to. I am just that special. Don’t worry, you can be my “friend” too!

4. I am just so busy right now.

You’re my transitional target, not my primary one – something to keep me satisfied in between my two or more significant others. I am so busy sleeping with my boyfriend and girlfriend over the weekend, taking out my various affair partners out on weeknights and flirting with anything that moves in my spare moments. I simply don’t have the time to invest in you while entertaining so many others. However, I’ll be happy to keep you waiting for my attention on the sidelines so I can tap into your resources whenever I’d like. And who knows? Perhaps if one or two of my victims ‘bow out’ you’ll get to occupy a new position on my weekly rotation. How fun would that be?

5. It’s crazy how much we have in common.

It’s not crazy at all, it’s perfectly calculated. I’ve studied you and I am mirroring you, just like I have done with all of my other victims. I know your deepest wounds and desires, because upon first meeting you I poked and prodded to uncover your strengths, weaknesses, interests, passions and everything you’re missing from your life. Now I’ll “morph” into what you have always wanted in a partner – at least, for the time being until I get what I want. Then, I’ll take the mask off from time to time. Soon, you won’t be able to recognize the person you first fell in love with.

6. I miss you and love you. Just checking in.

I want to know that I still have control over you and your life. This is a test and I’ll often “check in” with you after I disappear for days, subject you to a hideous violation or silent treatment, or make you jealous by showing off my newest victim. I am checking in to see that I am still significant – that you still ache and long for me. I am sure you remember me. How could you possibly forget?

7. Cheating is morally wrong.

Cheating is wrong if you do it. I have very different standards for myself. I expect and demand complete loyalty and transparency from you. However, I am free to carry on numerous affairs, treat you like a side piece or lie to you about the fact that I am already “committed” to someone all while stringing you along for money, sex, companionship, praise – whatever else you have to offer me.

8. They mean nothing to me. You’re my one and only.

God, all this rivalry over me? Please, keep going. How absolutely exciting. I get so bored when I am in a long-term, committed relationship. It’s wonderful to create these love triangles and have so many people compete over me. I thrive on the validation and attention of so many admirers. I will never really “choose” anyone – I just enjoy the game of always choosing myself and my own needs first.

9. My ex was so dishonest and toxic.

I was of course the toxic and dishonest one, but you won’t figure that out until it’s too late. I betrayed my previous partners and they found out. Of course, by then, I had to discard them because they had seen behind the mask and they were no longer willing to invest in forgetting my crimes. And now, I have to do some damage control by convincing you that I am someone you should pity and take care of – someone who’s been hurt by others in the past. Feel sorry for me. Nurse me back to emotional health. Come closer. The truth is, I prefer to be the one inflicting pain.

10. I’ve moved around a lot – I love to travel.

I love leaving the places where my victims have me figured out and starting over. With each new destination comes a whole new life and identity where I don’t have to ever deal with the consequences of my actions or the people who know my true self. Once I’ve exhausted my numerous victims in each city and state, it’s time to pack my bags and go on a new “vacation.” I leave a trail of victims wherever I go.

11. I used to be a player, but now I am a changed man or woman. Now I want a meaningful relationship and a life partner.

Are you buying this bullshit? I hope so, because I’d like to sleep with you soon and making you think that we may one day be in a relationship is the first step to getting in your pants. I’ll fake some shame to go along with my reformed image. I am so deeply remorseful for all those I’ve hurt in the past and I’ve really learned my lesson – not! The truth is, I’ll never change.

12. I am truly sorry, I really am. This is not who I am.

This is exactly who I am and my behavioral patterns should have tipped you off by now. Sure, I’ll apologize from time to time to get these discussions over with and to make you think I really want to change or that this was a momentary lapse. I hope you’re buying it, because if you let me back into your life again, you’re in for one hell of a ride.

Here’s The Truth

If you’re dealing with a manipulative narcissist or sociopath, the only way to detach is go No Contact or limit your contact if No Contact is not possible in your particular circumstances. You must reconnect to the reality of the abuse and “translate” their words into the lived reality of their cruelty, manipulation and contempt towards you. Only then can you break free from their mind games, gaslighting and falsehoods – and live freely in the truth.

References

Baskin-Sommers, A., Krusemark, E., & Ronningstam, E. (2014). Empathy in narcissistic personality disorder: From clinical and empirical perspectives. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment,5(3), 323-333. doi:10.1037/per0000061

Ford, C., King, B., & Hollender, M. (1988). Lies and liars: Psychiatric aspects of prevarication. American Journal of Psychiatry, 145(5), 554-562. doi:10.1176/ajp.145.5.554

Featured image licensed via Shutterstock.


Shahida Arabi, Bestselling Author

Shahida Arabi is a summa cum laude graduate of Columbia University graduate school, where she researched the effects of bullying across the life-course trajectory. She is the #1 Amazon bestselling author of three books, including Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself, featured as a #1 Amazon Bestseller in three categories and as a #1 Amazon bestseller in personality disorders for twelve consecutive months after its release. Her most recent book, POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse, was also featured as a #1 Amazon best seller in Applied Psychology. She is the founder of the popular blog for abuse survivors, Self-Care Haven, which has millions of views from all over the world. Her work has been shared and endorsed by numerous clinicians, mental health advocates, mental health professionals and bestselling authors. For her undergraduate education, Shahida graduated summa cum laude from NYU where she studied English Literature and Psychology. She is passionate about using her knowledge base in psychology, sociology, gender studies and mental health to help survivors empower themselves after emotional abuse and trauma. Her writing has been featured on The National Domestic Violence Hotline, Psychology Today, The Huffington Post, Salon, MOGUL, The Meadows, Thought Catalog and Harvard-trained psychologist Dr. Monica O’Neal’s website.


23 thoughts on “12 Of The Most Common Lies Sociopaths And Narcissists Tell, Translated Into Truth”

  • September 5, 2018 at 8:58 am
    Every single one of these! How did i buy into it? I feel all the pain I thought i had been finally getting past all over again. I hadn’t seen through quite all of the lies i guess. This realization just slapped me in the face. I have more work to do.Reply

    • April 4, 2020 at 3:12 pm
      Psychopaths and any cluster b personality types are horrific people! And I have been dealing with one that won’t go away is like fatal attraction or gone girl and all she does to me she accuses me of doing to her! The authorities usually don’t look st facts but appearances! So I have been lied on and falsly arrested several times all for ignoring and leaving a woman I am doing everything to try and get a way from that will not stop! This woman Ashley[redacted] is a hoorific stalking weirdo that keeps trying to abuse me and Is and all she does to me she accuses and says I done An do to her! You must not give up and let them get the best of you! In the end God will give you justice but you can’t lay down! You must show them they aren’t as powerful or special as the fake image and personality and views of themself they think! They are weak sick sadistic evil people that exploit good people and the good in people! Don’t let people like this change u for the worse keep trucking on An believing an never give up!Reply

  • September 7, 2018 at 2:19 am
    Wow. This is spot-on. I tried to leave him twice already (we don’t live together) but he reeled me back in each time. He is oh-so charming and lovable…….at times. Other times he is rude, insensitive, uncaring and abusive. There are other women involved, an ex that is his “stalker” and 2 other women who he is “just friends” with. He won’t let me meet his adult kids and has no interest in meeting mine. This relationship is going nowhere so why do I stay? The great sex. Pretty pathetic on my part.Reply

  • September 9, 2018 at 12:25 am
    Reading this is like the final crushing blow to the temple I needed so I stop trying to lie to myself. It has let me know that I’m not crazy and that to believe another word he says would be a huge disservice to myself and all of the people like Miss Arabi who have made it their mission to use their experience to inform others, like me.
    The only doubt that keeps creeping up on me has to do with the fact that I knew this man for over 30 years, was married to him for 20!!!! And, yet I had no idea……… how is that even possible??? I knew he was self-centered, and sometimes friends or family would mention that he seemed kind of selfish. I knew he had some issues he brought from childhood, so did I, so does just about everyone! But I NEVER, EVER would have imagined the person I knew since we were 14 years old was even capable of turning on me in this way. I hung on and tried to fix it over a few year but it just kept getting worse. And still, I never saw it coming….. one morning as the left for work he told me he had met someone….. he didnt come home that night or for many more nights after, he moved in with her and then spent the next 14 months doing and saying every single thing on this list (except for the moving or travelling alot). He nearly had me convinced it was all my fault and has kept me on the hook the whole time telling me he still loves me, misses me, I’m his soul mate, blah blah blah, all while sleeping with someone else. Wow! It’s hard to even admit that to myself.
    I really still find it so hard to believe he was ALWAYS THIS GUY, wondering if someone can develop into this person later in life, maybe gradually over a number of years?? Or if circumstances throughout ones life (father’s death, best friends death, etc) can allow for this to form in a person like a mental breakdown…? He likes to say he ‘snapped’ whenever he does give me the benefit of answering any of the million questions that fill my headl. I don’t know, I haven’t figured all that out yet….not sure I ever could or even want to….. not too eager to see what it’s really like inside of a mind like that one. Think my only hope is to sever my life from him completely and as quickly as possible. Thank you….MReply

    • July 5, 2020 at 1:11 pm
      I’m going through the same thing right now? Did you succeed in severing the relationship? I hope you’re doing well!Reply

  • September 9, 2018 at 12:59 pm
    Something HAS to be done to expose this abuse. We all write and write, and read as educate ourselves and our families- yet the court systems and anyone that is in that type of areana is still in the dark. How do we change this!?!? It’s time!Reply

    • September 10, 2018 at 6:24 am
      I agree completely! I have mentioned to a xouple friends throughout this ordeal how mindboggling it is to think that there is virtually NOTHING I can do, NO consequence that can be threatened, NOTHING to put this behavior to a stop. I have no idea where ro begin on something like this tho….. anyone??Reply

      • September 10, 2018 at 11:15 am
        How can we become large enough and cohesive enough to make this change, so the courts start paying attention?My kids are suffering and I am suffering- and there is not a higher court or entity that I know of that is doing enough to make this known as abuse. I’m just one person raising my two littles and I barely have enough time for myself- I don’t even know where to begin to start a petition or law to change to have NPD recognized as it should be.

        Reply

  • September 10, 2018 at 8:38 am
    I am completely familiar with all these lies. I realized that hubby was a narcissist a couple of years ago. The mental and emotional anguish was escalating for me by last fall; however, somewhere along the way in the last year I’ve begun to detach from him emotionally. My instinct for self preservation finally kicked in. Enough so that the last time he delivered his verbal abuse, I got angry instead of hurt. I believe he was aware of the difference, too, since he steered clear of me the rest of the afternoon. I downright hated him for about an hour or two. It actually felt liberating. When I hear another one of his lies, my attitude is “yeah, whatever.” He exhausted me of narcissistic supply a long time ago and I have chosen not to concern myself with him, what he does, who he spends time with, whether he eats lunch, etc, etc. He’s on his own. Not completely, mind you, since there are a lot of things I do automatically just to keep the peace. Like state a dissenting opinion. He’s not interested in what I have to say, anyway, so there’s no point in wasting my breath. We’ve been married for 34 years; on a narcissism scale of 1 to 5, I would put him at a solid 3. I am aware that things could have been so much worse. I don’t think he has ever been physically unfaithful (he’s been on BP meds for years) but the emotional infidelity hurt pretty bad. By detaching emotionally, I feel I am finally putting my needs first. I now enjoy my time alone when he’s gone all day and evening (and I have no idea where he is). I don’t think I can afford to leave and I don’t know where I’d go if I did. I have no close family, no kids, no real friends. As an introvert, I am fine with that on most days. I actually feel more at peace now than I have in a really long time. Thank you, everyone, for listening.Reply

  • September 19, 2018 at 6:06 pm
    Yep, that sums up the person I live with right now. will the real man please stand up! Silence control behind the door, manipulation, oh & the womanizing, my mind is one I feel I am losing. Yesterday a mutual mate pick us up for a weekly pool game, prince charming was buying me drinks, all the while setting the stage for how he wants people to perceive the ending of our partnership. At the beginning he said he was a player, it was then I should have turned & ran. If ever I hear those words uttered again by another man, that is exactly what I will do. It is all about reading between the lines!Reply

  • September 24, 2018 at 1:05 pm
    Another lie. ” I just want to be alone for the weekend.” Translates i am alone with someone else. It happened to me.Reply

  • September 24, 2018 at 7:20 pm
    I will say I have been a victim of this. This person who was a friend of the family came to me with all this at my weakest point in my life I was taking care of my terminally ill father. At first I didn’t buy into it but then the charming caring part of it came into play and I believed him and almost ruined my marriage. He was so convincing that when he felt this was no longer serving him that I became the person he was and wanted to know why did he do this to me. He answer was he got really scared of the mental state I was in and scared for his family sorry he did all this. In the end he made me look like the crazy one when he was the one who approached me with all this i never had a taught in my mind about him. Very upsetting how I ruined myself and almost ruined my family over this not proud of myself.Reply

  • February 20, 2019 at 7:58 pm
    I am 15 years old and a sociopath. When I noticed that I have all these characteristics in me, I isolated myself from others. I know that some deep part inside me knows that I have to protect the people around me from my lies and manipulation, but it’s so hard for us to live without victims to prey on. We are proud of our lies, only until we get caught. The only reason I’m admitting to this is to tell anyone who reads this, that the best way to take one of us down is by showing the sociopath that you are aware of his/her lies. Also, never expect a sociopath to change. It’s just our nature and we can’t do anything about it. To protect your friends from the sociopath, make sure they are aware of who that person really is. Every day I wait for a next victim, but I know that I cannot inflict any damage on someone else. We are like parasites who want to spread our emotional destruction to everyone. And it’s not a choice. It’s a primal instinct that can hardly be restrained. And although I am only a minor now, I am already planning ahead for the future on how I will have to force myself to avoid victims.P.S. I would never even think about being in a relationship or sleeping with someone unless it would be to get something out of them. We hate making connections with people unless it’s just faked and for fun, or we really badly want something from that person.

    Reply

    • June 12, 2019 at 3:14 pm
      Thank you for your honesty!! I realize that was difficult for you to do, which makes me appreciate it even more.
      Kudos to you for being so young and aware and having forethought.Reply

  • February 20, 2019 at 11:18 pm
    So after 24 years of marriage and dishonesty, never got a bit of truth. Our son is going to graduate from college soon. I cannot be false, don’t want want to hurt my son but I can’t be together with the Narc or any celebration. Suggestions,? I have always been transparent with my son. KyleReply

  • August 8, 2019 at 3:02 pm
    Hi my name is Cindy l have been in a narcissistic relationship for 38 years …I need to get Out its killing Me Please can Someone out there Help Me .
    I am scared and lonely

    Reply

    • December 19, 2019 at 7:20 pm
      I know how you feel Cindy. My narc has slowly and deliberately isolated from all my friends and family. I’m a shell. Of my former selfReply

  • January 9, 2020 at 1:59 pm
    I have to say I think that honestly these are the best translations I have ever heard since I’ve been doing my research (since my discard back in August of 2019) I’m still struggling everyday but struggling is as far as it’s going to go I will turn the corner soon and it’s writings like these that you share that gives me hope and inspiration that I’m not alone and that other people have made it through it and so will I because honestly the survivors of narcissistic abuse are the strongest individuals that could possibly be walking this Earth God only gives his strongest Warriors the toughest battles and those who fly solo have the strongest wings I truly believe that and I just have to keep reminding myself daily thank you for sharing and thank you for bringing a giggle out of me if I don’t laugh at it I’ll cry so again thank you much!Reply

  • March 29, 2020 at 5:02 am
    Great article. I am two years removed from being utterly destroyed by a covert narcissist sociopath who fits every one of these descriptions infinitely.The damage these people can do is beyond comprehension. Before my ex I had endured rape and sexually abuse, been cheated on many times, had people attempt to murder me, had a business partner rip me off and terrorize me, etc. and NONE of it was REMOTELY as bad as the abuse and damage done by this person. It stressed me to the point where I LITERALLY was in a coma minutes from death, just after this person tore my life apart and went out and performed against me the very specific abuses I had confided in them before leaving me for dead.

    It is like SOUL rape, WAY beyond most murders. The court systems MUST change to recognize that EXTREME emotional abuse and gaslighting of the true narcissist (along with lying, stealing, cheating, criminal behaviors, snooping, et al) is much WORSE than the physical violence we actually criminally prosecute. These people should be ROTTING in prison cells never to damage others again. Instead they move right on to the next victim in a new environment and gaslight the previous victim to where no one suspects a thing.

    My ex narc is marginally famous, is known around the world, and has been extremely popular, though their star seems to have fallen off perhaps without my tireless work on their behalf that received zero thanks. Their entire career is based on lies and deceptions, and no one cares to know my story. Of course I am portrayed as the crazy one, and this person convinced even my best friend (who she got involved with of course) that I was the one cheating and deceiving. I gave up everything for this person only to be utterly betrayed.

    They leave you stuck in hell and it is a LONG road out. People throw around the words psychopath and narcissist these days without understanding that while we all can display elements of these things at times there is a CHASM of difference between that and someone who is clinical and straight up EVIL. Especially when they are covert like my ex, who to most seems like the sweetest kindest most loving person ever, they are particularly dangerous.

    Her ENTIRE reality is a well rehearsed consistent lie. Even though I have proof in her own words and actions no one seems to care. Even when I SHOW people proof they still will believe this person since they are so manipulative, charming, intelligent, and funny and can remain calm after they have manipulated you into acting of of anger, sadness, and every other emotion after they have psychologically broken you down for years into a shell of your former self. I chose not to try and prosecute this person for their crimes, since it will likely be turned around against me.

    At this point, I doubt I will ever recover mentally. It is just too heavy and unbelievable, the cavernous distance between my trained perception of this person and the reality of who they are. The understanding that the seemingly perfect relationship of everything in common was just another lie. The cognitive dissonance of these differences is still, even two years later, too difficult for me to deal with. I am unable to trust at all or even deal with society beyond the absolute minimum.

    They of course have moved on to living with their newest supply, at least the 4th since me, of course infinitely better than me despite the endless promises of forever. THAT poor sap has a diatribe online describing the horror show of THEIR ex – an alleged narcissist who from the writing sounds like not even 1% of what MY ex is. I know I shouldn’t look but it is what it is.
    I have reason to be fearful. My ex always has 4-5 really old exes acting as sad sacks available for their disposal at any time still holding on many YEARS later for crumbs. I looked at these people with empathy and love, instead of the correct response which would have been to realize I would be sad and confused just like them soon enough.

    I hope these TRUE psychopathic covert pathological liar narcissists get their judgment before God and rot forever in the pits of hell. They are the worst human beings on the planet.

    Reply

  • March 30, 2020 at 5:56 pm
    How come we cannot expose these diabolical people for who they are? I attempted suicide because of this evil gaslighter. Women need to spread the word on powerful men who have destroyed their lives.Reply

  • April 7, 2020 at 3:45 am
    Best summary I have read for sureReply

  • July 5, 2020 at 1:03 pm
    My relationship is 12 years old. We dated for 10 years and lived on the same street. We are both mid 50’s. On our 10th anniversary of dating, we married. Just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary a couple of months ago. 2 years into the relationship, he didn’t call me one day. When I finally got him to answer the phone, he told me he wanted to break up. 5 days later he was begging for my forgiveness. 2 years later, he did it again. The usual apologies and begging worked on me again. Every so often, I would catch him at something-profiles on dating sites, emails to women asking for a date, etc. He ‘fixed’ this problem by getting rid of the computer.Then I found out he was texting a woman in his apartment building (but probably more than that). He took her number out of his phone, then she found a boyfriend and moved away. I felt we were going nowhere, and as much as I loved him, was going to break up with him. He sensed this, and gave me a ring and proposed. I stupidly said yes. He told me he thought it would cheer me up. Great proposal, huh? 1 year to the day of the proposal, he told me he found someone else. 18 days later, he was begging my forgiveness and swore nothing happened except for a couple kisses and hugs. Am I stupid or what? We got counseling and married 1 year later. 10 months after the wedding, I found out he had been calling a sex hotline 1-2x a month and it had started 6 months before we got married. Yet, he doesn’t masturbate-really! I don’t get that either! I forgave again. The sex life was less and less, down to 1x a month. He got a message from a woman customer (he is a business owner) saying she needed his love and hugs. Of course, he lied his way out of it. Then she sent me a message with her phone number wanting me to call her. I played dumb, refused to call, and told her I was partly deaf. She sent me everything in writing, including pictures of gifts, dates, and a card with his signature. I called him while he was working and told him I was done. He tried his usual charm, and I hung up and haven’t spoken to him since. I think he’s a narcissistic sociopath with the reading I’ve done in the past 2 weeks since the split, but I’m not sure. I know he lies all the time, not just to me, but to customers too, he lacks empathy, he sucks at personal conversation, he likes to be acknowledged for things he does. He’s a yes man, doing anything for anyone, then constantly complains about the person he did the favor for. He points out peoples flaws showing that he’s better than them. He has his granddaughter call me by my first name, even though I was in the picture before she was even thought of. I know he didn’t get attention as a child, and we haven’t seen his mother in almost 3 years even though she’s only 20 minutes away. He’s very non confrontational and won’t stand up for himself or even me. He has no backbone. Anytime something goes wrong, he says ‘I always have bad luck’, or something of that nature. He wants pity every time something happens. He loves being the one in the family that everyone goes to for help in anything. He has NO friends, only family members that he talks to and the only time we socialize is at family events. I know I’m rambling, but I’m just so confused. I’m trying to stay strong, and not forgive this time. Although I haven’t talked to him, he texts me every day, but I reply with 1 word responses. I feel like I wasted 12 years. I feel like I love someone who doesn’t exist. I feel stupid. I know if I go back, it will only happen again. I’m NOT going back. One time his nephew told me he was only after my money, and of course, he denied it. I do have a house with no mortgage and I’ll be fine retiring in a few years with my IRA. Maybe that IS the attraction, since he only has an apartment, and while he makes a good living, he blows every cent and can’t save a dime. I haven’t shed a tear, I’m afraid if I cry that I won’t be able to stop. I haven’t told a soul about this. Many other things have happened, but just too much to write. So am I right, narcissistic sociopath, or is he just a jerk?

17 Comments

  • Liz

    Yep, that sums up the person I live with right now. will the real man please stand up! Silence control behind the door, manipulation, oh & the womanizing, my mind is one I feel I am losing. Yesterday a mutual mate pick us up for a weekly pool game, prince charming was buying me drinks, all the while setting the stage for how he wants people to perceive the ending of our partnership. At the beginning he said he was a player, it was then I should have turned & ran. If ever I hear those words uttered again by another man, that is exactly what I will do. It is all about reading between the lines!

  • Stephanie Lotka

    Another lie. ” I just want to be alone for the weekend.” Translates i am alone with someone else. It happened to me.

  • HurtingAngel

    How come we cannot expose these diabolical people for who they are? I attempted suicide because of this evil gaslighter. Women need to spread the word on powerful men who have destroyed their lives.

  • April Pratt

    I have to say I think that honestly these are the best translations I have ever heard since I’ve been doing my research (since my discard back in August of 2019) I’m still struggling everyday but struggling is as far as it’s going to go I will turn the corner soon and it’s writings like these that you share that gives me hope and inspiration that I’m not alone and that other people have made it through it and so will I because honestly the survivors of narcissistic abuse are the strongest individuals that could possibly be walking this Earth God only gives his strongest Warriors the toughest battles and those who fly solo have the strongest wings I truly believe that and I just have to keep reminding myself daily thank you for sharing and thank you for bringing a giggle out of me if I don’t laugh at it I’ll cry so again thank you much!

  • Kyle Parker

    So after 24 years of marriage and dishonesty, never got a bit of truth. Our son is going to graduate from college soon. I cannot be false, don’t want want to hurt my son but I can’t be together with the Narc or any celebration. Suggestions,? I have always been transparent with my son. Kyle

  • Cindy

    My relationship is 12 years old. We dated for 10 years and lived on the same street. We are both mid 50’s. On our 10th anniversary of dating, we married. Just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary a couple of months ago. 2 years into the relationship, he didn’t call me one day. When I finally got him to answer the phone, he told me he wanted to break up. 5 days later he was begging for my forgiveness. 2 years later, he did it again. The usual apologies and begging worked on me again. Every so often, I would catch him at something-profiles on dating sites, emails to women asking for a date, etc. He ‘fixed’ this problem by getting rid of the computer.Then I found out he was texting a woman in his apartment building (but probably more than that). He took her number out of his phone, then she found a boyfriend and moved away. I felt we were going nowhere, and as much as I loved him, was going to break up with him. He sensed this, and gave me a ring and proposed. I stupidly said yes. He told me he thought it would cheer me up. Great proposal, huh? 1 year to the day of the proposal, he told me he found someone else. 18 days later, he was begging my forgiveness and swore nothing happened except for a couple kisses and hugs. Am I stupid or what? We got counseling and married 1 year later. 10 months after the wedding, I found out he had been calling a sex hotline 1-2x a month and it had started 6 months before we got married. Yet, he doesn’t masturbate-really! I don’t get that either! I forgave again. The sex life was less and less, down to 1x a month. He got a message from a woman customer (he is a business owner) saying she needed his love and hugs. Of course, he lied his way out of it. Then she sent me a message with her phone number wanting me to call her. I played dumb, refused to call, and told her I was partly deaf. She sent me everything in writing, including pictures of gifts, dates, and a card with his signature. I called him while he was working and told him I was done. He tried his usual charm, and I hung up and haven’t spoken to him since. I think he’s a narcissistic sociopath with the reading I’ve done in the past 2 weeks since the split, but I’m not sure. I know he lies all the time, not just to me, but to customers too, he lacks empathy, he sucks at personal conversation, he likes to be acknowledged for things he does. He’s a yes man, doing anything for anyone, then constantly complains about the person he did the favor for. He points out peoples flaws showing that he’s better than them. He has his granddaughter call me by my first name, even though I was in the picture before she was even thought of. I know he didn’t get attention as a child, and we haven’t seen his mother in almost 3 years even though she’s only 20 minutes away. He’s very non confrontational and won’t stand up for himself or even me. He has no backbone. Anytime something goes wrong, he says ‘I always have bad luck’, or something of that nature. He wants pity every time something happens. He loves being the one in the family that everyone goes to for help in anything. He has NO friends, only family members that he talks to and the only time we socialize is at family events. I know I’m rambling, but I’m just so confused. I’m trying to stay strong, and not forgive this time. Although I haven’t talked to him, he texts me every day, but I reply with 1 word responses. I feel like I wasted 12 years. I feel like I love someone who doesn’t exist. I feel stupid. I know if I go back, it will only happen again. I’m NOT going back. One time his nephew told me he was only after my money, and of course, he denied it. I do have a house with no mortgage and I’ll be fine retiring in a few years with my IRA. Maybe that IS the attraction, since he only has an apartment, and while he makes a good living, he blows every cent and can’t save a dime. I haven’t shed a tear, I’m afraid if I cry that I won’t be able to stop. I haven’t told a soul about this. Many other things have happened, but just too much to write. So am I right, narcissistic sociopath, or is he just a jerk?

  • moshgirl

    Wow. This is spot-on. I tried to leave him twice already (we don’t live together) but he reeled me back in each time. He is oh-so charming and lovable…….at times. Other times he is rude, insensitive, uncaring and abusive. There are other women involved, an ex that is his “stalker” and 2 other women who he is “just friends” with. He won’t let me meet his adult kids and has no interest in meeting mine. This relationship is going nowhere so why do I stay? The great sex. Pretty pathetic on my part.

  • anonymous

    Great article. I am two years removed from being utterly destroyed by a covert narcissist sociopath who fits every one of these descriptions infinitely.

  • Mind Numbed One

    Reading this is like the final crushing blow to the temple I needed so I stop trying to lie to myself. It has let me know that I’m not crazy and that to believe another word he says would be a huge disservice to myself and all of the people like Miss Arabi who have made it their mission to use their experience to inform others, like me.

  • Michelle

    Every single one of these! How did i buy into it? I feel all the pain I thought i had been finally getting past all over again. I hadn’t seen through quite all of the lies i guess. This realization just slapped me in the face. I have more work to do.

  • Anonymos

    I am 15 years old and a sociopath. When I noticed that I have all these characteristics in me, I isolated myself from others. I know that some deep part inside me knows that I have to protect the people around me from my lies and manipulation, but it’s so hard for us to live without victims to prey on. We are proud of our lies, only until we get caught. The only reason I’m admitting to this is to tell anyone who reads this, that the best way to take one of us down is by showing the sociopath that you are aware of his/her lies. Also, never expect a sociopath to change. It’s just our nature and we can’t do anything about it. To protect your friends from the sociopath, make sure they are aware of who that person really is. Every day I wait for a next victim, but I know that I cannot inflict any damage on someone else. We are like parasites who want to spread our emotional destruction to everyone. And it’s not a choice. It’s a primal instinct that can hardly be restrained. And although I am only a minor now, I am already planning ahead for the future on how I will have to force myself to avoid victims.

  • AbusedStillEvenAfterLeavingBCweShareKids

    Something HAS to be done to expose this abuse. We all write and write, and read as educate ourselves and our families- yet the court systems and anyone that is in that type of areana is still in the dark. How do we change this!?!? It’s time!

  • Mary Coretto

    I will say I have been a victim of this. This person who was a friend of the family came to me with all this at my weakest point in my life I was taking care of my terminally ill father. At first I didn’t buy into it but then the charming caring part of it came into play and I believed him and almost ruined my marriage. He was so convincing that when he felt this was no longer serving him that I became the person he was and wanted to know why did he do this to me. He answer was he got really scared of the mental state I was in and scared for his family sorry he did all this. In the end he made me look like the crazy one when he was the one who approached me with all this i never had a taught in my mind about him. Very upsetting how I ruined myself and almost ruined my family over this not proud of myself.

  • K

    I am completely familiar with all these lies. I realized that hubby was a narcissist a couple of years ago. The mental and emotional anguish was escalating for me by last fall

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